10 years

10 years ago I'm young,

I know nothing,

doesn't know God,

childish,

crazy,

always angry,

insecure,

not patience,

playful,

play violin.

Now,

I know more,

controlled my anger,

more patience,

play not only violin,

accept and love people,

most importantly,

I serve God will all my heart like never before.

God you had always been my shepherd.

Care, love, discipline and protect me.

I believe that you will still continue to be:)

10 years from,

who knows? :)

maybe I really had 18 kids?

maybe I will be a professional violinist?:)

maybe I will own MPO!:)

is just maybe,

God I just want your will be done in earth as it is in heaven:) Love you.

Nicholas.

I know

been 5 month already,

after everything happen I kept myself busy so that my heart pain will be lesser,

busy in ministry busy in my work...

people always think that I already get over it but..

deeply I know I just hide it at the bottom of my heart,

is not easy,

that one day, no matter how I have to face it again.

the pain is still there,

crying silently at the very bottom of my heart,

is a hard decision,

when I make that decision, tears dropping,

but I know I have to,

Now,

love changed to fear,

fear that..

Will I still have the courage to do it again?

Will I still able to?

trusting God with all my heart,

that he said to me "Nicholas let me take care of it."

I love you God,

Nicholas.