I know

been 5 month already,

after everything happen I kept myself busy so that my heart pain will be lesser,

busy in ministry busy in my work...

people always think that I already get over it but..

deeply I know I just hide it at the bottom of my heart,

is not easy,

that one day, no matter how I have to face it again.

the pain is still there,

crying silently at the very bottom of my heart,

is a hard decision,

when I make that decision, tears dropping,

but I know I have to,

Now,

love changed to fear,

fear that..

Will I still have the courage to do it again?

Will I still able to?

trusting God with all my heart,

that he said to me "Nicholas let me take care of it."

I love you God,

Nicholas.